Saturday, September 21, 2013

Mabon Lore and Recipes

Autumnal Equinox is here! Blessed Mabon!! Came across this great article on the holiday a few minutes ago and have to keep it. What are you doing today? Me? Nothing, except watching movies with my children. :)

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Mabon Lore Autumn Equinox, around September 21, is the
time of the descent of the Goddess into the
Underworld. With her departure, we see the
decline of nature and the coming of winter.
This is a classic, ancient mythos, seen the
Sumerian myth of Inanna and in the ancient
Greek and Roman legends of Demeter and
Persephone.


In September, we also bid farewell to the
Harvest Lord who was slain at Lammas. He is
the Green Man, seen as the cycle of nature in
the plant kingdom. He is harvested and his
seeds are planted into the Earth so that life
may continue and be more abundant.


Mabon ("Great Son") is a Welsh god. He was a
great hunter with a swift horse and a wonderful
hound. He may have been a mythologized actual
leader. He was stolen from his mother, Modron
(Great Mother),when he was three nights old,
but was eventually rescued by King Arthur
(other legends say he was rescued by the
Blackbird, the Stag, the Owl, the Eagle, and
the Salmon). All along, however, Mabon has
been dwelling, a happy captive, in Modron's
magickal Otherworld -- Madron's womb. Only in
this way can he be reborn. Mabon's light has
been drawn into the Earth, gathering strength
and wisdom enough to become a new seed. In
this sense, Mabon is the masculine counterpart
of Persephone -- the male fertilizing principle
seasonally withdrawn. Modron corresponds with
Demeter.


From the moment of the September Equinox, the
Sun's strength diminishes, until the moment of
Winter Solstice in December, when the Sun grows
stronger and the days once again become longer
than the nights.


Symbols celebrating the season include various
types of gourd and melons. Stalk can be tied
together symbolizing the Harvest Lord and then
set in a circle of gourds. A besom can be
constructed to symbolize the polarity of male
and female. The Harvest Lord is often
symbolized by a straw man, whose sacrificial
body is burned and its ashes scattered upon the
earth. The Harvest Queen, or Kern Baby, is made
from the last sheaf of the harvest and bundled
by the reapers who proclaim, "We have the Kern!"
The sheaf is dressed in a white frock decorated
with colorful ribbons depicting spring, and then
hung upon a pole (a phallic fertility symbol).


In Scotland, the last sheaf of harvest is called
the Maiden, and must be cut by the youngest
female in attendance.

Altar Dressings

* candles should be brown or cinnamon.
* decorate circle with autumn flowers,
acorns, gourds, corn sheaves and fall
leaves.

Mabon Magickal Herbs 

Rue, yarrow, rosemary, marigold, sage, walnut
leaves and husks, mistletoe, saffron, chamomile,
almond leaves, passionflower, frankincense,
rose hips, bittersweet, sunflower, wheat, oak
leaves, dried apple or apple seeds.

Incense 

Pine, sage, sweetgrass or myrhh. You can also mix
marigold, passionflower, and fern, using
frankincense or myrhh as a resin for Mabon incense

Mabon Magickal Stones 

During Mabon, stones ruled by the Sun will help
bring the Sun's energy to you.clear quartz,
amber, peridot, diamond, gold, citrine, yellow
topaz, cat's-eye, adventurine.


Mabon is a good time to cast spells of balance
and harmony. It's also a time of change.
Protection, wealth and prosperity spells are
appropriate as well.

Holiday Fare 

Mabon is the Witch's Thanksgiving, a time to
appreciate and give thanks to the Goddess for
her bounty and to share in the joys of the
harvest. Fall fruits, squash, gourds, pumpkins,
grains, nut breads, vegetables.


A magickal Mabon beverage: hot apple cider.
Apple rules the heart, cider alone is a self-
love potion. By spicing it with cinnamon, ruled
by Jupiter and the Sun, we are in essence,
ingesting the sunlight.


Sample menu #1: Mabon Wine Moon Cider, Roast
Chicken Rubbed with Sage, Basil, and Thyme,
Acorn Squash made with Sweet Butter, Cinnamon
and Honey, and Apple Bread.


Sample menu #2: Wine from the god and beans and
squashes from the goddess. A hearty multi-bean
soup with smoked meats (optional), including
such as cut-up mild sausage like mild Italian
or Polish.


Mabon Wine Moon Cider 
4 cups apple cider 1/2 tsp. whole cloves
4 cups grape juice additional cinnamon sticks
2 cinnamon sticks for cups, 6 inches long
1 tsp allspice


In a 4-quart saucepan, heat cider and grape
juice. Add cinnamon, allspice and cloves.
Bring just to boiling. Lower heat and simmer
for 5 minutes.


Serve with ladle from a cauldron. Makes 8 cups.

Mabon Activities 

* Make grapevine wreaths using dried bitter-
sweet herb for protection. Use ribbons of
gold and yellow to bring in the energy of the
Sun, and decorate with sprigs of dried yarrow
or cinnamon sticks.
* Make a Magickal Horn of Plenty.
* Make Magickal Scented Pinecones.
* Make a protection charm of hazelnuts
(filberts) strung on red thread.
* Collect milkweed pods to decorate at Yuletide
and attract the faeries.
* Call upon the elementals and honor them for
their help with (N-earth) the home and
finances, (E-air) school and knowledge,
(S-fire) careers and accomplishments,
(W-water) emotional balance and fruitful
relationships.
* Make a witch's broom. Tie dried corn husks or
herbs (broom, cedar, fennel, lavender,
peppermint, rosemary) around a strong,
relatively straight branch of your choice.
* Make magic Apple Dolls: Apples are sacred
symbols of the witch. Our holy land, Avalon,
means Apple-land or Island of Apples. Slice
an apple through the midsection and its seeds
reveal the sacred shape of the pentacle.


You will need two large apples, one for Mabon
and one for Modron, 2 pencils and 2 dowels
about 12 inches long, a paring knife, a glass
or bowl of water to wash your fingers, a plate,
and a towel to wipe your hands. Peel and core
the apples. Carve a face in the apples. Place
apples on a dowel and stand them in a jar
to dry (start now). Then charge in a magick
circle. After 2 or 3 weeks, they should look
like shrunken heads. Make them into dolls. Use
wheat, dried herbs or doll's hair for hair.


Dress them in tiny robes and bring them into
the circle, asking god/dess to charge them with
their light.


Hang these Mabon and Madron heads on a Witch's
cord or a Mabon wreath.

From "Celebrate the Earth" by Laurie Cabot,
Green Witchcraft by Ann Moura, Llewellyn's Witches'Calendar 1998, and The Witches' God by Janet and Stewart Farrar.

source: http://www.earthwitchery.com/mabon.html

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Praise Be To Her (An Original Poem)


Praises be to Her
The one who walks in beauty
The one who walks in mirth

Praises be to Her
The one of joys and sufferings
Of death and rebirth

Praises be to Her
For She will hold my hand
Guiding me to Destiny

Praises be to Her
Who is my pain, my sorrow,
And all the very best of me

Praises be to Her

Monday, November 12, 2012

Uses For Graveyard Dirt

Now first things first. Do not Tamper with graveyard dirt if you are in any way inexperienced when it comes to casting your own spells. Graveyard dirt is a very powerful substance. Indisputably, the most powerful substance. It is made up death and yet creates life. But in order to retrieve it you must ask the dead for permission, as well as pay for it. Payment usually involves liquor and coins being left at the sight of where you retrieved the dirt. The dirt can be used for 3 things Protection, Love and Cursing your Enemies.

Graveyard dirt Love Spell

How to make graveyard dirt for love spells
Thing you will need: green paper, vandal root, and dirt from a graveyard. You will write your name and the persons name on the paper, put the vandal root and graveyard dirt in the center of the paper, wrap it up and leave it under your bed. Be sure to keep in mind the day of the week, time of day, and moon phase. For this to be completely successful.

Protection Spell

The deployment of graveyard dirt in protection spells may specify that the dirt come from the grave of a family member or a friend. In these cases the spirit of that person is protecting you or your home. This is a link to ancient African beliefs and practices, in which ancestor veration is a key component of how one relates to the spiritual world. You will light a 7 african power 7 dat candle anointed in protection oil. Keep the candle in a bowl with the dirt inside.

Cursing your enemy

Mix GRAVEYARD DIRT and Sulphur Powder with an enemy’s hair or private bodily concerns, put the mixture into a bottle with 9 pins, 9 needles, and 9 nails, and buried the bottle under the enemy’s Door-step or Pathway as the moon was waning in order to hurt them or cause them to pine away. Others claim that they have put GRAVEYARD DIRT into an enemy’s shoe and then marked a trail from the victim’s home to the nearest graveyard, sprinkling a pinch of the dirt at every Crossroads along the way to lead the enemy to take that path. We do not make any supernatural claims for GRAVEYARD DIRT, and sell it as a Curio only.

Goofer Dust

Goofer Dust is a very old African-American hoodoo curio used to trouble, harm, or kill an enemy. In particular, it can cause the victim's legs to swell up and medical doctors will not be able to effect a cure.
Recipes for making it vary, but it is almost always a mixture of simple natural ingredients, usually including Graveyard Dirt, powdered sulphur (which can give it a yellowish colour) and salt.


Subsidiary ingredients may include
powdered snake heads or snake skin "sheds"
red pepper
black pepper
powdered bones
powdered insects or snails
and greyish powdery-surfaced herbs such as mullein and sage.


In the past, some formulas for Goofer Dust included anvil dust, the fine black iron detritus found around a blacksmith's anvil. A modern substitute for this now-uncommon ingredient would be magnetic sand, which is also black in colour.


A continuum of shared and overlapping ingredients links Graveyard Dirt to Goofer Dust, and thence to Hot Foot Powder and Crossing Powder -- but of all of them, only Goofer Dust is said to contain both Graveyard Dirt and snake skin.



All the spells above are extremely powerful and should not me taken lightly. Only conduct these spells as a last resort and always use cation when handling graveyard dirt.



Guide created: 07/29/11 (updated 09/10/12)
eBay Guides nocturnal_supplies


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Lost and Confused

i have schizoaffective disorder. have all of my experiences just been delusions caused by my schizophrenia? i don't know.

Friday, August 3, 2012

August Full Moon and Lughnasadh

I've spent these past few days in reflection. I had spent two weeks in the psych ward and needed the time to reflect on myself. Now that I am not deemed safe around my children, I have a lot of free time on my hands. I reflected, released toxins, and did yoga. There will be a lot of reflection while I'm alone.

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LUGH Lugh is the Celtic lord of every skill. He was patron of Lugodunum (Lyons) in Gaul. He and his nature goddess consort (Rosmerta) were worshipped during the 30 day Lugnasad midsummer feast in Ireland. Fertility magic during this festival ensured ripening of the crops and good harvest. He was called Lamfhada or 'of the long arm' in Gaelic because of his great spear and sling. His animal attributes were the raven and the lynx. Lugh mirrors Hindu Karttikeya, the spiritual warrior, and Roman Mercury, the swift messenger. His exploits are recounted in the "Tain Bo Cuailnge", the Cattle-raid of Cooley.

KARTTIKEYA The principal god of war of the Hindus is Karttikeya.He is also known as Skanda. He replaces both Indra and Agni who, in the early stages of Hinduism, were considered to be gods of battles. In his role as defender of the gods Karttikeya is more single-minded than any of his predecessors. Hindu myths profess that he is interested in nothing but battles and warlike adventures. He is reputed to be not even interested in women, being somewhat of a misogynist. This is almost singular, as all other Hindu gods are associated with one or more women, be they goddesses or otherwise. Nevertheless, some texts allow him a wife named Kaumari or Devasena ('army of the gods'). There is a very interesting tale associated with Devasena which also tells of how Karttikeya was conceived and why. Karttikeya is also known as Kumar, as this word means 'one who is a bachelor'. In South India Karttikeya is worshipped as Subramanya. Karttikeya is popularly conceived of as riding a peacock with his battle armor on. He always carries with him his bow and arrows, neatly tucked in a quiver hanging down his back. He is usually dressed simply in white clothes without any other embellishments, as befits an austere warrior. There is some confusion on how many heads and appendages he has but the popular notion is that, for sure, he has six heads. It is supposed that he also has six hands and legs but this is rather uncertain. According to the most popular version, Karttikeya is the eldest son of Shiva and Parvati. The story behind his conception is quite enthralling and is narrated hereafter. Once an asura (demon) named Taraka performed a great number of austerities for a great number of years and thereby attracted the attention of Brahma. When Brahma asked him what he wanted as reward for his exceptional piety the asura asked for the boon of absolute invulnerability. At this request Brahma was dismayed because Taraka was an asura and not to be trusted with such tremendous power. So the wily god tricked Taraka into accepting a modified boon whereby the asura got absolute invulnerability from every creation in the universe except a son of Shiva. Thus, as a result, nothing and no-one could kill Taraka or overcome him in battle except a son of Shiva. Taraka was overjoyed at even this modified boon as Shiva had no sons and had just lost his wife Sati who had jumped into her father Daksha's funeral fire and been immolated. Shiva was mad with grief and had taken refuge in the forests intent on leading a life of absolute austerity. Taraka thought he had nothing to fear and began what he had initially set out to do, hold absolute sway over all creations in the universe. So, protected by Brahma's boon, Taraka started extending his domains and not only conquered all creatures on earth but also started making inroads into heaven. He defeated the gods one by one and forced them to pay him tribute. Indra was forced to part with his wonderful white horse, Uchchaisravas, which was one of the fourteen precious things that had turned up at the Churning of the Ocean at the beginning of creation. Jamadagni, the great sage, had to give up his celestial cow Kamdhenu, a creature which could fulfill all desires. Kubera, the god of wealth, had to pay tribute to Taraka in the form of a thousand precious sea-horses and Vayu had to obey all of the wicked asura's commands. Even the sun and the moon were in terror of Taraka and while the sun could not give out any heat the moon was forced to shine all the time. The gods were forced out of their respective heavens and wander about in forests. One day, in the forests, all the gods gathered in a clearing to discuss how they could overcome Taraka but no way could be found till one of the gods fortunately remembered the lacuna in Brahma's boon to the asura. Taraka was invincible against all except a son of Shiva's. This gave the gods some hope but Shiva was still mourning Sati and living a life of complete celibacy in a forest by Mount Kailash, his usual abode. So the gods began to hatch a plan to persuade Shiva to marry and beget a son. They decided that Sati would be reborn as Parvati, daughter of Himalaya, the mountain. Then they would somehow contrive to marry her off to the still grief-stricken god. So Parvati was born, exceedingly beautiful and worthy of a potent god like Shiva. When she came of age she was made to understand her mission in life and she herself began to perform many austerities in the hope of attracting Shiva's attention but that god was still in grief and impervious to all her best efforts. After the passage of many years without any result Indra began to despair of Parvati's success without some assistance. So he appointed Kama, the god of love and desire, to go to Mount Kailash and somehow make Shiva break his self-imposed celibacy. That flighty god fearfully went to Kailash and found Shiva deep in meditation, impervious to all around him. Even the birds and animals in that holy place made no noise. Even the leaves on the trees stayed still and made no sound. Kama dared not proceed with what he had been sent to do and hung about the place wondering what he could do. So Kama dithered about the place quite uncertain as to how to rouse Shiva's desire to wed with Parvati. This uncertain situation went on for many days till, one day, suddenly, Kama saw Parvati approach gently and quietly and start picking flowers to offer to her desired lord, Shiva. Kama immediately saw his opportunity and, setting aside his fear of the hot-tempered god, fitted an arrow to his famed bow and aimed at Shiva and let fly. The arrow flew true to its mark, Shiva's breast. Shiva was rudely shaken out of his meditative trance and his eyes flew open. The first person he saw was the lovely Parvati charmingly picking the colorful flowers. He immediately felt a warm surge of desire for her course through his body. Then he saw Kama and he instantly understood the reason for his unforeseen desire. He flew into a rage at what he thought of as Kama's imprudence and, turning his terrible third eye on that hapless god, reduced him to ashes. Though now under the influence of physical need for a woman, Shiva was still determined to stick to his life of absolute asceticism. He receded farther into the forests and, ignoring his physical urges, continued with his meditations. Perceiving this, Parvati began anew her austerities in the hope of moving Shiva into noticing her. So this went on for several more years. The gods, exiled to the wildernesses by Taraka's tyranny, yearned for their comfortable heavens but could do nothing in the face of Shiva's obstinacy. At last though, since the potency of one of Kama's arrows never diminishes, Shiva was forced to acknowledge his physical needs and consented to marry Parvati. The gods were overjoyed at this new development and envisaged that they would soon be able to go back to their old, sybaritic life-styles. Shiva and Parvati wedded amid great pomp and glory and a sumptuous feast to which everyone who was someone was invited was organized to commemorate the auspicious occasion. Yet things were not as they should have been. Many years passed and yet Shiva and Parvati had no issue. The gods fell into consultation again and this time it was decided that Agni, the god of fire, should go to Kailash and find out what was wrong. When Agni reached there, it is fortunate that he perceived Shiva just leaving his wife Parvati. Agni transformed himself into a dove and flew around the place where the two had just been together, he was lucky in finding a seed of Shiva's. He picked this up and made for the place where the other gods waited patiently for his return. But Agni is a lesser god and he was unable to carry Shiva's seed for long. Soon he grew tired and dropped the seed. It fell on a bank of the river Ganges. There, upon the bank of the great river, arose a child who was beautiful as the moon and brilliant as the sun. As he lay there crying on the bank the six Pleiades, being the daughters of six powerful kings in Hindu myth, came to that very banks to bathe. Seeing the pretty baby lying there without anyone in attendance they were all overcome with motherly love and each offered him her breast. Thus Karttikeya, who was this beautiful child, was suckled simultaneously by six surrogate mothers without much difficulty as, being the son of a god and a god himself, he had six heads and could suckle six breasts all at once. So Karttikeya grew up in the care of the loving Pleiades and later fulfilled his mission in life, that of killing the tyrannous asura Taraka. Thus the universe was again brought back to the control of the gods who could go back to their heavens and pursue their usual lives of complete leisurely pleasure.

MERCURY Mercury is god of trade and profit, merchants and travelers, but originally of the trade in corn. In later times he was equated with the Greek Hermes. He had a temple in Rome near the Circus Maximus on the Aventine Hill which dates back to 495 BCE. This temple was connected to some kind of trade fair. His main festival, the Mercuralia, was celebrated on May 15 and on this day the merchants sprinkled their heads and their merchandise with water from his well near the Porta Capena. During the time of the Roman Empire the cult of Mercury was widely spread, especially among the Celtic and Germanic peoples. The Celts have their Gaulish Mercury, and the Germans identified him with their Wodan. The attributes of Mercury are the caduceus (a staff with two intertwined snakes) and a purse (a symbol of his connection with commerce). He is portrayed similarly to Hermes: dressed in a wide cloak, wearing talaria (winged sandals) and petasus (winged hat). Mercury is also known as Alipes ("with the winged feet").

HERMES Hermes, the herald of the Olympian gods, is the son of Zeus and the nymph Maia, daughter of Atlas and one of the Pleiades. Hermes is the god of shepherds, land travel, merchants, weights and measures, oratory, literature, athletics and thieves, and known for his cunning and shrewdness. Most importantly, he is the messenger of the gods. Besides that he was also a minor patron of poetry. He was worshiped throughout Greece -- especially in Arcadia -- and festivals in his honor were called Hermoea. According to legend, Hermes was born in a cave on Mount Cyllene in Arcadia. Zeus had impregnated Maia at the dead of night while all other gods slept. When dawn broke amazingly he was born. Maia wrapped him in swaddling bands, then resting herself, fell fast asleep. Hermes, however, squirmed free and ran off to Thessaly. This is where Apollo, his brother, grazed his cattle. Hermes stole a number of the herd and drove them back to Greece. He hid them in a small grotto near to the city of Pylos and covered their tracks. Before returning to the cave he caught a tortoise, killed it and removed its entrails. Using the intestines from a cow stolen from Apollo and the hollow tortoise shell, he made the first lyre. When he reached the cave he wrapped himself back into the swaddling bands. When Apollo realized he had been robbed he protested to Maia that it had been Hermes who had taken his cattle. Maia looked to Hermes and said it could not be, as he is still wrapped in swaddling bands. Zeus the all powerful intervened saying he had been watching and Hermes should return the cattle to Apollo. As the argument went on, Hermes began to play his lyre. The sweet music enchanted Apollo, and he offered Hermes to keep the cattle in exchange for the lyre. Apollo later became the grand master of the instrument, and it also became one of his symbols. Later while Hermes watched over his herd he invented the pipes known as a syrinx (pan-pipes), which he made from reeds. Hermes was also credited with inventing the flute. Apollo, also desired this instrument, so Hermes bartered with Apollo and received his golden wand which Hermes later used as his heralds staff. (In other versions Zeus gave Hermes his heralds staff). Being the herald (messenger of the gods), it was his duty to guide the souls of the dead down to the underworld, which is known as a psychopomp. He was also closely connected with bringing dreams to mortals. Hermes is usually depicted with a broad-brimmed hat or a winged cap, winged sandals and the heralds staff (kerykeion in Greek, or Caduceus in Latin). It was often shown as a shaft with two white ribbons, although later they were represented by serpents intertwined in a figure of eight shape, and the shaft often had wings attached. The clothes he donned were usually that of a traveler, or that of a workman or shepherd. Other symbols of Hermes are the cock, tortoise and purse or pouch. Originally Hermes was a phallic god, being attached to fertility and good fortune, and also a patron of roads and boundaries. His name coming from herma, the plural being hermaiherm was a square or rectangular pillar in either stone or bronze, with the head of Hermes (usually with a beard), which adorned the top of the pillar, and male genitals near to the base of the pillar. These were used for road and boundary markers. Also in Athens they stood outside houses to help fend off evil. In Athens of 415 BCE, shortly before the Athenian fleet set sail against Syracuse (during the Peloponnesian War), all the herms throughout Athens were defaced. This was attributed to people who were against the war. Their intentions were to cast bad omens on the expedition, by seeking to offend the god of travel. (This has never been proved as the true reason for the mutilation of the herms.) The offspring of Hermes are believed to be Pan, Abderus and Hermaphroditus. Hermes as with the other gods had numerous affairs with goddesses, nymphs and mortals. In some legends even sheep and goats. Pan, the half man half goat, is believed to be the son of Hermes and Dryope, the daughter of king Dryops. Pan terrified his mother when he was born, so much so that she fled in horror at the sight of her new born son. Hermes took Pan to Mount Olympus were the gods reveled in his laughter and his appearance and became the patron of fields, woods, shepherds and flocks. Abderus, a companion of the hero Heracles, is also thought to be a son of Hermes, he was devoured by the Mares of Diomedes, after Heracles had left him in charge of the ferocious beasts. Hermaphroditus (also known as Aphroditus) was conceived after the union of Hermes and Aphrodite. He was born on Mount Ida but he was raised by the Naiads (nymphs of freshwater). He was a androgynous (having the characteristics of both sexes) deity, depicted as either a handsome young man but with female breasts, or as Aphrodite with male genitals. It was Hermes who liberated Io, the lover of Zeus, from the hundred-eyed giant Argus, who had been ordered by Hera, the jealous wife of Zeus, to watch over her. Hermes charmed the giant with his flute, and while Argos slept Hermes cut off his head and released Io. Hera, as a gesture of thanks to her loyal servant, scattered the hundred eyes of Argos over the tail of a peacock (Heras' sacred bird). Hermes also used his ingenuity and abilities to persuade the nymph Calypso to release Odysseus, the wandering hero, from her charms. She had kept Odysseus captive, after he was shipwrecked on her island Ogygia, promising him immortality if he married her, but Zeus sent Hermes to release Odysseus. Legend says that Calypso died of grief when Odysseus sailed away. Hermes also saved Odysseus and his men from being transformed into pigs by the goddess and sorceress Circe. He gave them a herb which resisted the spell. Hermes also guided Eurydice back down to the underworld after she had been allowed to stay for one day on earth with her husband Orpheus. Known for his swiftness and athleticism, Hermes was given credit for inventing foot-racing and boxing. At Olympia a statue of him stood at the entrance to the stadium and his statues where in every gymnasium throughout Greece. Apart from herms, Hermes was a popular subject for artists. Both painted pottery and statuary show him in various forms, but the most fashionable depicted him as a good-looking young man, with an athletic body, and winged sandals and his heralds staff. His Roman counterpart Mercury inherited his attributes, and there are many Roman copies of Greek artistic creations of Hermes. The Greek post office has Hermes as its symbol.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Rain

Things have been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I just want to get off, but it will have to wait for a little while longer. If I'm being honest, I haven't really helped the situation, either. June 2 was my 26th birthday. It started off the night before having copious amounts of three-some sex and alcohol. June 4th was that month's full moon. I spent it getting stupid drunk and watching movies in the living room with my husband. I spent this year's summer solstice drinking until I passed out. July's full moon, which landed on the 3rd, was also spent shitty drunk after a long (but eventful day) with family in Austin at the pool. You see where this is going? Up until last night, I had spent the entire month of June and the first week of July ridiculously intoxicated. I haven't done a damn thing with myself except wallow in self-pity and push everyone away. While I never drank while my children were awake, as soon as I had put them all in bed for the night, I would immediately open the bottle and pour a glass, or two, or four. I am on a regime of medication. It's helping, but I was still drinking too much, that is, until last night. Last night, immediately after I had brought the laundry in from the line, it started to rain. My first reaction, "Phew! Perfect timing!" as I had spent the entire day doing laundry and would have been devastated if three large loads of laundry got soaked in the storm. Afterward, however, I felt excited, like I used to when I was a teen. I don't think I've been this happy for rain since. It poured. I turned off the air conditioner, opened the doors, and spent most of the evening walking back and forth through the kitchen to get to the back and front doors of our new apartment. (We've been living here since May 8th) I had locked our heavy storm doors and the kids and I peered through the metal screens to watch the rain fall. I couldn't contain my excitement for very long. Grabbing the two middle children (the youngest is only 5 months old, and the oldest is grounded) I went outside and took a deep breath. We stood on the porch and stuck out our arms pass the edge of the roof so we could feel the rain on our fingertips. The hem of my long skirt was beginning to get soaked through. I said to hell with it and the three of us ran into the rain. "This is a cleansing rain," I thought, as I grabbed my youngest daughter and brought her and her sister back under the safety of the porch roof. The three of us were soaked. I didn't care that I was wearing a white shirt with no bra and was probably giving the neighbors a lovely show. I didn't care that Rose (youngest daughter) wasn't wearing any pants, or that Iris ran out in her house shoes, or that my husband was complaining about how the apartment was now humid from the doors being open. I didn't care about anything. For one small moment, it was just me, and my daughters, enjoying the cold, exhilarating rain on our faces. I felt the same as I had when I was a teen, running down our street in the storms. I didn't drink last night and slept soundly. It's raining again today. Sheet after sheet of rain feels like it's washing away something that had been hovering for far too long. J starts his new well-paying job tomorrow. Things will be changing again. I think, this time, I may be ready. I don't know where we'll be when Lughnasadh rolls around. It will be a year since we left Iowa then. If we move closer to J's new job before then, it will be the 6th move for us in the past twelve-month. I want to get off this roller-coaster ride, but at least I know this time I won't throw up.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Beltane and May's Super Full Moon


I wish I had more friends; more supplies, more something. I feel a little lonely and sometimes empty when performing my rituals. Beltane was spent at home with the children. I had planned for us to go outside, but it was unbearably hot and the children cranky. The heat made me feel ill and a headache all day. Saturday's super full moon was also a bust. The sky was thick with clouds and the air sticky and hot. It was suffocating just stepping outside. I was horribly bummed I didn't get to see the largest full moon of the year. Instead, I contemplated the goals I was going to set for this lunar cycle. I can't wait until things get back to normal. Everything is still a bit of a mess in my life and it's really fucking up my zen.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Dark Moon Reflections

Tonight is the new moon, a night of reflection. A night where I shed old habits and create new ones. A night of introspection.

Last week, an old friend of mine (read: 15 years of friendship), passed away. If the rumors are to be believed, he was an alcoholic and did drugs. He was also obese and suffered from sleep apnea. He had just had his birthday party, six days after his actual birthday, and had passed out, drunk, in his car. I don't know how the night played out. I just know that he was found the next morning no longer alive.

I met Luis in middle school, at Fairway Middle School, which no longer exists, when we were in the 6th grade and 11 years old. He had just turned 26 on the 8th. I went to his funeral yesterday morning. Life is short. Very. Incredibly. Short. He left behind a two-year-old son.

I fell apart yesterday (Thursday) at that funeral. Listening to his mother cry out "My Baby! My only baby boy!" and her begging for him to wake up and come out of that coffin was more than I could take. Seeing friends I hadn't seen in years because we had all grown up, moved away and started our adult lives, but were all brought together over the loss of someone we held dear. I hate the fact that I reconnect with others after someone dies. I like these people, enjoy their company, but the only time we ever see each other is because of the passing of a friend.

I'm still reeling. I'll be 26 in June. If I were to die less then a week from my birthday, would I be satisfied with what I have done with my life? Have I given an example for my children to look up to? What legacy am I leaving behind?

A lot to think about tonight. A lot to think about.

Descanse en paz, hermano. Rest in peace, bro.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Pink Moon

NOTE: This was originally written on Saturday, April 7, the day after the full moon and was not posted until today because life has been hectic. Sorry for any delay.
"North American indigenous peoples speaking the Algonquian language historically called the April full moon the Pink Moon because this full Moon heralded the appearance of the moss pink, or wild ground phlox—one of the first spring flowers."
Friday night, there was a bit of haze in the sky, causing this month's full moon to have a pearlescent halo surrounding it. It was beautiful, lit up, and looking like a rainbow hugged the moon. I lit a pink candle in honor of one of its many historical names and meditated on my life, my family, my goals, and of the goddess. With this full moon snuggled between the pagan Ostara, and the Christian Easter, I spent it on the Goddess Eostre, from whom the names for those holidays came.

In ancient Anglo-Saxon myth, Ostara is the personification of the rising sun. In that capacity she is associated with the spring and is considered to be a fertility goddess. She is the friend of all children and to amuse then she changed her pet bird into a rabbit. This rabbit brought forth brightly colored eggs, which the goddess gave to the children as gifts. From her name and rites the festival of Easter is derived. Ostara is identical to the Greek Eos and the Roman Aurora.

Eos is the Greek personification of the dawn, the daughter of the Hyperion and Theia and the sister of Helios (sun) and Selene (moon). By Astraeus she was the mother of the four winds: Boreas, Eurus, Zephyrus and Notus; and also of Heosphorus and the Stars. She was depicted as a goddess whose rosy fingers opened the gates of heaven to the chariot of the Sun. Her legend consists almost entirely of her intrigues. She first slept with Ares; this earned her the wrath of Aphrodite who punished her by changing her into a nymphomaniac. Her lovers were Orion, Cephalus and Tithonus.

Aurora is the Roman personification of the dawn. She is also the Roman equivalent of the Greek goddess Eos. Aurora is seen as a lovely woman who flies across the sky announcing the arrival of the sun. Aurora has two siblings: a brother, the sun, and a sister, the moon. She has had quite a number of husbands and sons. Four of her sons are the four winds (north, south, east, and west). According to one myth, her tears cause the dew as she flies across the sky weeping for one of her sons, who was killed. Aurora is certainly not the most brilliant goddess as she asked Zeus to grant one of her husbands immortality, but forgot to ask for everlasting youth. As a result, her husband soon became aged. Aurora is not one of the better-known goddesses. However, Shakespeare refers to her in his famous play Romeo and Juliet.

-source: pantheon.org

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Blessed Imbolc

This will be the first Imbolc in the past few years that I have not celebrated in one way or another. With as pregnant as I am and with the stresses of life, I've decided to keep my celebrations down to a simple prayer.

I associate today with the goddess, Brigid (pronounced "breed"), who is a goddess of fire (as well as creativity). I see today as a day where she can emerge, as the winter months fade away and the warmth slowly returns, she is part of the warmth and with her brings the spark of creativity. When Ireland became Catholic, Brigid became a Saint. The Feast of Candlemas honors her fire, and today, nuns have relit her sacred flame at Kildare. Tonight, I want to share a traditional Catholic prayer to Saint Brigid.

Saint Brigid
You were a woman of peace.
You brought harmony where there was conflict.
You brought light to the darkness.
You brought hope to the downcast.
May the mantle of your peace cover those who are troubled and anxious,
and may peace be firmly rooted in our hearts and in our world.
Inspire us to act justly and to reverence all God has made.
Brigid you were a voice for the wounded and the weary.
Strengthen what is weak within us.
Calm us into a quietness that heals and listens. 
May we grow each day into greater wholeness in mind, body and spirit.
Amen

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Wolf Moon

Last night, during the full moon, I couldn't do anything outside like I had hoped. It had rained all day, and the temperature had dropped, leaving it quite chilly when the moon was rising on the horizon. Instead, I decided to reflect on things my mother (or mother-like figure, depending on whether or not my mother was home at the time) used to do.

I am currently sick with allergies. My face is swollen due to the cedar and plane pollen that is currently in a high count these past few days. With being 8+ months pregnant, this has caused my body to be aching in every place imaginable. So, I remembered what my mom used to do for me when I was a little girl with a nasty head cold.

She'd run a nice warm bath for me to sit in and stick a small bucket of scalding hot water with globs of menthol camphor in it and a towel over my head so I could breathe in the steam. Seeing as I'm no longer a little girl, and I have no bucket and no camphor, I bought mineral bath salt and oil from Natural Therapy specifically for cold & allergy symptoms, ran an incredibly hot bath, then sunk myself right into it. Best. bath. ever. I ended up falling asleep and stayed in the bath for a good half hour because of it. :)

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Today's Devotion

Praises to mother goddess. Hail to your round form.
Had a song of relaxation music set on repeat.

Today, I focused on reading/learning about Gaia.

From Pantheon.org:
Gaia or Gaea, known as Earth or Mother Earth (the Greek common noun for "land" is ge or ga). She was an early earth goddess and it is written that Gaia was born from Chaos, the great void of emptiness within the universe, and with her came Eros. She gave birth to Pontus (the Sea) and Uranus (the Sky). This was achieved parthenogenetically (without male intervention). Other versions say that Gaia had as siblings Tartarus (the lowest part of the earth, below Hades itself) and Eros, and without a mate, gave birth to Uranus (Sky), Ourea (Mountains) and Pontus (Sea).

Gaia took as her husband Uranus, who was also her son, and their offspring included the Titans, six sons and six daughters. She gave birth to the Cyclopes and to three monsters that became known as the "Hecatonchires". The spirits of punishment known as the Erinyes were also offspring of Gaia and Uranus. The Gigantes, finally, were conceived after Uranus had been castrated by his son Cronus, and his blood fell to earth from the open wound.

To protect her children from her husband, (the Cyclopes and the Hecatoncheires, as he was fearful of their great strength), Gaia hid them all within herself. One version says that Uranus was aghast at the sight of his offspring so he hid them away in Tartarus, which are the bowels of the earth. Gaia herself found her offspring uncomfortable and at times painful, when the discomfort became to much to bear she asked her youngest son Cronus to help her. She asked him to castrate Uranus, thus severing the union between the Earth and Sky, and also to prevent more monstrous offspring. To help Cronus achieve his goal Gaia produced an adamantine sickle to serve as the weapon. Cronus hid until Uranus came to lay with Gaia and as Uranus drew near, Cronus struck with the sickle, cutting the genitalia from Uranus. Blood fell from the severed genitals and came in contact with the earth and from that union was born the Erinyes (Furies), the Giants and the Meliae (Nymphs of the manna ash trees).

After the separation of the Earth from the Sky, Gaia gave birth to other offspring, these being fathered by Pontus. Their names were the sea-god Nereus, Thaumas, Phorcys, Ceto and Eurybia. In other versions Gaia had offspring to her brother Tartarus; they were Echidna and Typhon, the latter being an enemy of Zeus. Apollo killed Typhon when he took control of the oracle at Delphi, which Gaia originally provided, and then the "Sibyl" sang the oracle in Gaia's shrine.

It was Gaia who saved Zeus from being swallowed by Cronus, after Zeus had been born, Gaia helped Rhea to wrap a stone in swaddling clothes, this was to trick Cronus in to thinking it was Zeus, because Cronus had been informed that one of his children would depose him, and so to get rid of his children he had swallowed them, Gaia's trick worked and Zeus was then taken to Crete.

Gaia being the primordial element from which all the gods originated was worshiped throughout Greece, but later she went into decline and was supplanted by other gods. In Roman mythology she was known as Tellus or Terra.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Cry It Out

I forgot how much a good cry can disperse any negativity you've been holing up inside you. Today, after accidentally dropping a medium box full of shoes down a flight of stairs, I sat and I cried. I cried all of my frustrations of this stressful move and all the packing* that I've done this week. I cried because my entire body hurts from lifting and shoving and taping and moving. I cried because my husband is a jerk when he's been out in the hot sun and I have to calm myself so I don't punch him in the face. I cried because I am pregnant and am bloated and nauseous 90% of the time, and then I cried some more because I have a final paper due on Monday for class that I have barely touch because I have been so busy trying to get everything in order. I cried because I only have until Friday night to get everything down. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I sat on that middle landing until I was good and ready to get up, and you know what? After a while, I felt SO MUCH better.



*For those who may have missed it, I am in the process of moving from Iowa back to Texas due to the fall in the economy. I can no longer afford my house and need to be out of it by Aug 1.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Ophelia


Ophelia was a bride of god
A novice Carmelite
In sister cells the cloister bells
Tolled on her wedding night 

Ophelia was a rebel girl
A blue stocking suffragette
Who remedied society
Between her cigarettes 

Ophelia was a sweetheart
To the nation over night
Curvaceous thighs
Vivacious eyes
Love was at first sight... 

Ophelia was a demigoddess
In pre war Babylon
So statuesque a silhouette
In black satin evening gowns 

Ophelia was the mistress to a
Vegas gambling man
Signora Ophelia Maraschina
Mafia courtesan 

Ophelia was a circus queen
The female cannonball
Projected through five flaming hoops
To wild and shocked applause... 

Ophelia was a cyclone, tempest
A god damned hurricane
Your common sense
Your best defense
Lay wasted and in vain 

Ophelia'd know your every woe
And pain you'd ever had
She'd sympathize
And dry your eyes
And help you to forget... 

Ophelia's mind went wandering
You'd wonder where she'd gone
Through secret doors
Down corridors
She'd wander them alone
All alone... 

picture credit: Ophelia by John Everette Millais
lyrics: Ophelia by Natalie Merchant

Monday, June 6, 2011

Pagan Values: Exercising Faith

"However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?" -Buddha

In my free time I like to study religions. I plan to one day be clergy and be able to guide people spiritually. I'm a strong believer that if you understand their faith, you understand the person. I have come across so many flaky people in my past that I wonder if there are many of us left who actually follow our faiths, and exercise them.

I once went to a nondenominational-Protestant Christian church.The pastor, who was one of the sweetest ones I've known, always mentioned how he did not want a church full of cereal. I thought this was funny as he went to explain that he did not want any fruits, nuts or flakes condemning the testimony of the church, the works of Christ; how he prayed that one day, the community of cereal would stop being so and become true followers of Christ, exercising their faith in Him and following His example.

I've noticed a lot of my own faith be that way, too. I am mostly Wiccan. I have no tradition, and am very eclectic since all of my training was on my own time with my own resources, or borrowing resources from libraries and friends. I studied, HARD, and had to work to not become a member of the Wiccan cereal, dubbed "fluffybunny."

Faith is not smoke and mirrors, or just a few pretty words that you memorized. Faith is waking up in the morning, seeing a new day, watching the sunset, planting a garden, playing with your children, making a meal, and seeing the beauty and the magic and the blessing in everything. "Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill, An it harm none do what ye will." -Doreen Valiente, 1964. Following the creed, the rede, and putting it into practice, daily, in everything you do. Questioning everything, including your morals.

My value is to exercise my faith, my beliefs, my love for my gods, my love for the human race, each and every single day.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Pagan Values: Personal Values

1. Strong belief in exercising faith
2. Open-minded
3. Ever-learning, especially about others to better understand and truly stay open-minded
4. Academic back-up. :)
5. Balance between structure and just winging it.
6. Loving all, judging none.
7. Finding the good in everything even when things seem bleak.
8. Asking permission when necessary, going ahead with it in an "emergency"

Friday, June 3, 2011

Meditation #3

"The only important things in life are the traces of love we leave behind."

I was very grumpy today and took out my frustrations on my children. My oldest told me that I had been mean and she felt that I didn't love her. I gave her a hug and told her that no matter how I feel, whether I am angry, sad, happy, confused, that one thing was certain; I would always love her.

Sometimes I forget to remind myself to show love. It's not enough to just tell someone you love them. Sometimes a hug, a kiss, or snuggle is what is needed. I sometimes forget to do this. With the stresses I have been feeling lately, I have forgotten to love. Deep down I always love, but I have forgotten to use it, to let it guide me, to be a part of me.

Even if I'm upset, know that I will love you past my dying day.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Meditation #2

"If you want to really change something, you must walk a new path"

I've come across people who think this means that one needs to change their religion, and though this may be the case for some people, it's not for the general consensus. As a personal meditation, it has nothing to do with religion but with the path I walk in life. All situations in my life are caused by the paths I walk; I need to change course to change those situations.

I've been dwelling a lot on my choices, and wondering if I am making the right ones. I have back-up plans for some, and am at a loss at others. I am taking a proactive approach to these decisions, but at times, that can be difficult. To deal with these emotional difficulties I have begun to search within and to meditate more frequently. This is the new path I walk.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Meditation #1

"For every step forward to gain new knowledge of hidden truths, take three steps forward to perfect your character"

I always try and better myself. Lately, I've been VERY grumpy and easily irritated with the smallest of things. My husband has been on the edge of my nerves everyday for a while now, and my patience with him is very thin. I don't know why this is; maybe I expect more understanding from him than I do others since he has been with me these past nine years. I realized that shortly afterward. I didn't pull this card until AFTER our spat, and I had done so as a means to calm me down. I expect too much of him, things that he cannot give me at my every whim. I need to perfect my character, especially in this area.

Note to self: Have less anger toward the ones you love and expect nothing.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Because Sometimes the Bible Has Awesomeness

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. --Luke 6:27-28