Hi there. This is my first attempt in the past three years or so of starting a journal. I just want someone to vent to that I know won't chime in with advice. I know I'm just a kid, only thirteen years old, but I do the things I do because I want to learn on my own. So, I'm not looking for specific advice, I'm just searching for an ear, or I guess, in this case, eyes, paper, whatever. I know this is probably really weird, but I think this will be good for me. I can tell you all of my secrets and not fear that my parents would find out. So in a way, this is therapeutic. It’s helping someone in need, though emotionally, out. I used to write in a journal years ago. I'd make them out of folded sheets of paper. I don't know why I stopped.
To be clear, I'm not doing anything illegal. I'm not writing to tell you about sex, drugs, or alcohol, but what I am doing is frowned upon by a lot of people. Currently, thanks to Tiffany, I'm considering about changing my choice in religion. My parents are missionaries, so you can see where that would cause problems. They are very devout and really love Jesus Christ and His Father. I just feel so out of place all the time. We go to church every Wednesday, Friday, and twice on Sunday. I was the treasurer in my old youth group, and I was the youngest graduating member in the School of Ministry at my old church. In this new church I'm still an active member and secretary of the youth group. I'm not saying I'm awesome or deserve a lot of praise, but I am very active in the church. I pray every morning and every night, and I help out in everything I can. I'm even in the church choir and coordinate youth events with the other teens in the group. I like church well enough, but everything I do feels empty. All the prayers, and the praising, the songs and the teachings, they all seem to fall flat for me. Don't get me wrong. I love God. I do believe in a Supreme Being, for lack of a better term. I'm just not feeling it at church.
I'm afraid to tell my mom how I really feel. You see, Tiffany brought a book for and about teen witches to school last week and she let me borrow it. I didn't even know witches were a real thing. I thought it was something someone made up a long time ago to scare people into following rules or going to bed on time or whatever. Turns out, I was wrong. However, my mom found it in my backpack and threw a fit. Personally, I think she overreacted. It's a book, and I'm not practicing anything in the book, but she quoted the verse "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" which is Exodus 22:18. I get that witchcraft is a seriously bad thing for Christians to partake in, but I went to the library after her hissy fit and looked up the translation. Apparently, King James 1 was paranoid about witches and spells and stuff, and so when the translators were making "his" Bible (King James Version) they changed the Hebrew word for "poisoner" to witch. All other translations go downhill from there. People, especially early Christians, seemed to be afraid of people who worked spells and other forms of magic; things that are now known as science.
Anyway, I told my mom to chill out. I mean, seriously, it's a freaking book for crying out loud. I am learning about something I didn't know existed. What's so wrong with expanding knowledge? Well, according to her, bringing anything that's "of the devil" to the house brings that evil into the house as well. What a bunch of force-fed crap, in my opinion. You know, for someone who doesn't believe in ghosts, she really is stuck on believing spirits attach themselves to sheets of paper, because, you know, that's not contradictory at all. Whatever. I'm not going to freak out just because my mom is. What's worse, though, is that she told our pastor, and now he thinks I need an extra lesson on the evil of witchcraft. Should I remind him that I was the youngest graduating member of the School of Ministry? I know everything there is to know that most people who say they are Christian don't know. Did that make sense? Well, what I mean is I know a lot more than most Christians. I only know this because I have tested out this theory. I know what I'm doing. I'm not worried. I wish everyone would stop freaking out over bound sheets of paper.
So, while I believe there are such things as spirits, (I also believe in a lot of other supernatural things) I don't think there are any in this book. It seems interesting enough. It talks about Wicca being a form of witchcraft. It's a religion that was created in the 1950s or so by a guy named Gerald Gardner. He incorporated a bunch of practices from other ancient religions, like old gods and celebrations from Egypt, Italy, and Greece. It seems really interesting and I want to learn more. Unfortunately, this book doesn't have a lot of information. It's mostly spells and practices. It's really basic and hasn't answered any of the questions I have. I'm not giving up though. Tiffany opened a new door for me that I didn't even know was there. I'm heading to the public library tomorrow to check out more books on Goddess worship and the Occult, as well as compare them to Judeo-Christian philosophies. This seems like it's going to be an exciting adventure.
