Craft Name

Where has the time gone? Almost two months have passed, and I can only remember bits and pieces. No big surprise there, though.

I turned 16 last month, which was nice. My mom had apparently co-conspired with my boyfriend of two months, Justin, and a bunch of my friends and threw me a surprise party. She had me out shopping with her for birthday things. When we arrived home, she asked me to open the door for her while she got our bags out of the car. I was met by a large yelling of SURPRISE and I jumped about a foot in the air and dropped my bags. All of my close friends from school were all there and even Luis Nuñez DJ'd the soiree, making sure to pay close attention to the taste of the majority of my friends. It was a nice blend of heavy metal, alternative, and pop/R&B hits.

I bought an incense burner, and some oil. I jacked some of J's incense. Hey, he's not going to be using it while he‘s away at basic training, right? I can't wait to see him next Thursday when he graduates from his Air Force training. Goodness, I miss him so much. And lately I've been having trouble speaking. I keep slurring my vowels and stuttering.

On another note, I dedicated myself to Wicca last month.  It was the last day of school on the 6th, so I figured that was the best time to do it. Not only that, but it happened to also be a full moon that night. I did a very small, very basic ritual and used whatever words came to mind that night. I wish I could remember them now. I should have written it down. However, I did have a great meditation afterward and was given a Craft name.

Last summer, when I broke up with Chris and was having all of my issues with my mother, I created a safe-haven in my head. I know how crazy it sounds, but it was a lot healthier than resorting to hiding in a closet and eating my hair. This place is a place of magick for me. It's a lovely landscape with fields, a forest, and mountains in the distance. In the center of the scenery is a small cottage right beside a lake. Whenever I'm stressed or upset or whatever, I meditate and go to this safe place.

Well, on that Wednesday, when I dedicated myself to Wicca, I went there to meditate on my decision and my future on this path. I was sitting on the sand, at the edge of the lake with my feet in the water when this beautiful lady came out of nowhere. I can't tell you what she looked like. Her face and her features kept changing. Anyway, she came up to me and stroked me hair. Her presence felt exquisite. That's when I knew she was my beloved Goddess. She knelt down behind me and guided me to her lap, where I rested my head and she continued to stroke my hair. She looked deep into my eyes and said, “You are my moon baby, hidden by the clouds. My blessed lunar sky.” We stared at each other a bit more, her features changing continuously. She smiled, kissed my forehead, and rose up to leave. Then she disappeared, but had left a gift with me. My name. I am her lunar sky. Luna Skye. There's now a new sense of wholeness within me.

Believe or Not Believe?

Okay, first off, I'm not going to make any promises on writing in this regularly. Considering the fact that this is a one way street for me, I don't see why I should even try. I'm not even sure if this is helping me grow in any way, so, why even bother, right? Second, I don't know what day is, I just know we're in July. My nights and days are all mixed up since I don't have school right now and I enjoy sleep a lot.

I'm now fifteen years old, and currently on summer vacation after my freshman year. The school year wasn't so bad, though I must say, I still very much hate going. I'm not a perfect kid. Got into smoking both pot and cigarettes, but I really don't care. I was kept busy with extra-curricular activities, like JROTC and choir. I still study a lot about witchcraft, but I have to keep everything hidden from my mother. I know she means well, but I believe she is horribly brainwashed into thinking that anything that is not Christian is devil-worship. The thing is this, Wiccans don't even believe in a devil. Let's play this out logically, as logical as religion can get, anyway. If a person doesn't believe in an entity, can they really worship it? For example, can you truly worship God if you didn't believe in him? The logical answer would be no, right? So why doesn't that go both ways? The Buddha once said, ""Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Now the reason I like this quote is that so many religious teachings in this world contradict each other and all say that they ARE the truth. I strive to believe -or reject- none of them unless I understand them and see if they fit in my own personal views.

Do I think all religions are wrong? Nope. I actually think a lot of what is shared in every religion has some truth in it. I haven't researched a lot of it yet, since I've been focused on only one religion and only know thoroughly one other, but in my studies I found out that the Biblical Armageddon is almost identical to the Norse Ragnarok. Both are depictions of the end of the world, or at least of this existence. They both end with a battle where the bad guy gets bound and then later slain; Lucifer and Michael, where Lucifer is locked up for 1,000 years then released and killed by Michael, then Loki and Heimdallr, where Loki is bound to a cliff, released, and then slain as well. In the Bible, it's angels vs. demons; in Norse mythology, it's gods vs. giants. Sure, not exactly the same, but pretty damn close if you ask me.

Why do people get so wound up about whether their religion is right? I mean, aren't we all just trying to get through life the best way we can? Aren't we all trying and seeking happiness? Why waste energy trying to prove something that's based solely on faith?

Changes

Hi there. This is my first attempt in the past three years or so of starting a journal. I just want someone to vent to that I know won't chime in with advice. I know I'm just a kid, only thirteen years old, but I do the things I do because I want to learn on my own. So, I'm not looking for specific advice, I'm just searching for an ear, or I guess, in this case, eyes, paper, whatever. I know this is probably really weird, but I think this will be good for me. I can tell you all of my secrets and not fear that my parents would find out. So in a way, this is therapeutic. It’s helping someone in need, though emotionally, out. I used to write in a journal years ago. I'd make them out of folded sheets of paper. I don't know why I stopped.

To be clear, I'm not doing anything illegal. I'm not writing to tell you about sex, drugs, or alcohol, but what I am doing is frowned upon by a lot of people. Currently, thanks to Tiffany, I'm considering about changing my choice in religion. My parents are missionaries, so you can see where that would cause problems. They are very devout and really love Jesus Christ and His Father. I just feel so out of place all the time. We go to church every Wednesday, Friday, and twice on Sunday. I was the treasurer in my old youth group, and I was the youngest graduating member in the School of Ministry at my old church. In this new church I'm still an active member and secretary of the youth group. I'm not saying I'm awesome or deserve a lot of praise, but I am very active in the church. I pray every morning and every night, and I help out in everything I can. I'm even in the church choir and coordinate youth events with the other teens in the group. I like church well enough, but everything I do feels empty. All the prayers, and the praising, the songs and the teachings, they all seem to fall flat for me. Don't get me wrong. I love God. I do believe in a Supreme Being, for lack of a better term. I'm just not feeling it at church.

I'm afraid to tell my mom how I really feel. You see, Tiffany brought a book for and about teen witches to school last week and she let me borrow it. I didn't even know witches were a real thing. I thought it was something someone made up a long time ago to scare people into following rules or going to bed on time or whatever. Turns out, I was wrong. However, my mom found it in my backpack and threw a fit. Personally, I think she overreacted. It's a book, and I'm not practicing anything in the book, but she quoted the verse "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" which is Exodus 22:18. I get that witchcraft is a seriously bad thing for Christians to partake in, but I went to the library after her hissy fit and looked up the translation. Apparently, King James 1 was paranoid about witches and spells and stuff, and so when the translators were making "his" Bible (King James Version) they changed the Hebrew word for "poisoner" to witch. All other translations go downhill from there. People, especially early Christians, seemed to be afraid of people who worked spells and other forms of magic; things that are now known as science.

Anyway, I told my mom to chill out. I mean, seriously, it's a freaking book for crying out loud. I am learning about something I didn't know existed. What's so wrong with expanding knowledge? Well, according to her, bringing anything that's "of the devil" to the house brings that evil into the house as well. What a bunch of force-fed crap, in my opinion. You know, for someone who doesn't believe in ghosts, she really is stuck on believing spirits attach themselves to sheets of paper, because, you know, that's not contradictory at all. Whatever. I'm not going to freak out just because my mom is. What's worse, though, is that she told our pastor, and now he thinks I need an extra lesson on the evil of witchcraft. Should I remind him that I was the youngest graduating member of the School of Ministry? I know everything there is to know that most people who say they are Christian don't know. Did that make sense? Well, what I mean is I know a lot more than most Christians. I only know this because I have tested out this theory. I know what I'm doing. I'm not worried. I wish everyone would stop freaking out over bound sheets of paper.

So, while I believe there are such things as spirits, (I also believe in a lot of other supernatural things) I don't think there are any in this book. It seems interesting enough. It talks about Wicca being a form of witchcraft. It's a religion that was created in the 1950s or so by a guy named Gerald Gardner. He incorporated a bunch of practices from other ancient religions, like old gods and celebrations from Egypt, Italy, and Greece. It seems really interesting and I want to learn more. Unfortunately, this book doesn't have a lot of information. It's mostly spells and practices. It's really basic and hasn't answered any of the questions I have. I'm not giving up though. Tiffany opened a new door for me that I didn't even know was there. I'm heading to the public library tomorrow to check out more books on Goddess worship and the Occult, as well as compare them to Judeo-Christian philosophies. This seems like it's going to be an exciting adventure.