As you very well know, something terrible happened yesterday. I've been in complete disbelief all day. I can't believe the tragedy that befell our country. Why would someone do that? So many innocent lives were lost. Children will never see their mothers or fathers again. Parents will never see their children again. I was sick, again, yesterday. I had stayed home and was woken up at around noon by two of my fellow JROTC classmates, who happen to also be my neighbors. My mom let them in, not knowing why they were not in school, and they proceeded to turn on the TV and put it on the news. Bryan Ralls and Luis Nuñez told me that the school had been let out early because of the devastation that was going on. Bryan has family in New York and his sister had an emotional breakdown when watching the news. My mom sat down on the couch, staring at the TV. The boys and I just stood there, staring at the floor. I felt ridiculous standing there in my pajamas.
My mom spent the entire day contacting family, making sure that our relatives in New York were okay. I think I'll leave you now with a prayer for the fallen.
Blessed Goddess,
For those who didn't even believe in You,
for those who never knew You,
and for those who died with You in their hearts,
for those who knew,
but never wanted,
for those who wanted,
but never tried,
for those whose lives were stolen,
and for those who got a second chance.
For the families of the loved ones lost,
for the families of the loved ones forgotten,
for the families who always fought,
and for the families in general who were affected.
Our time is coming near,
and our time is coming soon.
Protect us in this time of need,
and in this time of forgiveness,
protect us from ourselves.
For those who never got to see the light of the next day,
or even the darkness of that night,
may they all be with You,
forever...
So mote it be...
Wednesday, September 12, 2001
Wednesday, August 29, 2001
Close Encounters
So, my sophomore year started not too long ago. I think it was last week, but I suck at math, so I don't know. Counting is hard right now. I feel like shit. I didn't go to school today. I was feeling really sick and crappy. My energy was and still is seriously drained.
Relatives moved in next door not too long ago. We didn't even know we were related until we started talking. Apparently my mom and Rosa are distant cousins in the Ortiz family. It's a really big family due to the fact that my abuelo had over 15 brothers and sisters. (This is what parents do when there isn't any television to distract them, I guess.)
My cousin, Jennie, and I had a seance again today. We had one on Saturday to see Sarah. She's a girl in our neighborhood that died 13 years ago. Yes, I know my neighborhood is a new development, but there were houses sprinkled here and there in the several acres of land that was bought to create this neighborhood, and we found the remains of one of them last week. That's how I met her and I know how she died...she showed me. It was pretty cool and pretty freaky at the same time, but I'll get to that in a moment.
Last week Jennie, her best friend, Diana, her friend's brother, Alex, and myself went exploring about a mile out from my house. Jennie, who, like I said earlier, is my cousin, is the one who lives next door. Diana and Alex live about a street or two behind us. Anyway, after walking around debris and bits of construction and a lot of field, we came across one of the remains of an old house. We had already passed another one closer to home and foraged the area for anything nifty, but came up empty handed and kept on trekking. This house, or lack thereof, felt different. There was and ominous presence there that had Jennie and I on edge. Even Alec felt something was off. When I stood in beside a tree that would have been where the front yard was originally, I felt like someone was standing next to me. I cleared my throat to get the attention of my friends who were digging through debris, and when all three looked up, Jennie and Alex squealed. Jennie walked up to me slowly, whispering, telling me that there was something, like a shadow, beside me. I tried not to panic, but as calmly as possible, got the hell out of there, and we all, very quickly, headed to Jennie's just to find that whatever had been there had followed us home.
Jennie, Diana, Alex, and myself all, somewhat, decided to figure out what this was. Diana was skeptical. She hadn't felt or seen anything while we were out there, and only believed a little of what we were saying because of how pale and terrified the rest of us looked. Going through the stuff I had brought over, I found my journal, the one where all my research is in, and found the part about contacting spirits through a seance. I ransacked Jennie's things, found a candle, which was all I needed, and asked if anyone was down to see who had followed us home. Everyone agreed and we held the seance in Jennie's bathroom. We didn't want to be interrupted and figured the bathroom was the safest bet. I don't know why, don't ask, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Especially since, having no windows, it was the darkest room in the entire house. Anyway, I was the head of the whole thing, both leading the seance and feeling whatever Sarah was giving me. Anyway, during the whole procedure, I kept getting flashes of what Sarah wanted me to see, which included her name. Alex was holding my right hand, Jennie my left, and Diana was sitting in front of me holding their hands. I was given flashes at first, and then actual visions that made more sense than the bits and pieces Sarah had originally started with. Apparently, about 13 years ago, Sarah had a little brother, Billy, who died of some disease I don't know (she didn't tell me) when he was only 8 years old. Sarah, who was about 14 at the time was devastated over her brother's death. Not only her, but her parents as well. Her father especially. On the night of the funeral, everyone was mourning in their own way. Sarah's mom was passed out in bed after drinking herself unconscious. Sarah's dad had gone out to the car to do something, then came back in, grabbed some whiskey, and sat down in front of the TV, staring at whatever was playing, but not actually seeing it. Sarah had wrapped herself in her brother's blanket and sat at the top of the stairs watching her father drink himself into a stupor as he cried himself to sleep. Sarah, still awake, decided to head outside for some fresh air. It was cold outside so she went inside the car to warm up a bit and turned on the radio. The heater wouldn't work unless the ignition had been turned, so she turned the key to have the car not start. She turned it one more time, had the car running, was setting the heater when the vehicle made a terrible noise and the engine blew up. Sarah didn't remember if anything happened after that. She just found herself, one day, not herself, and her parents burying her body next to her brother. When our candle blew out I was aware that Sarah was no longer with us. Now, I know I've told you I wouldn't be messing with stuff like this anymore, but I did do my research and chose a very simple seance that used little energy work and time. It was to simply ask how Sarah died and that was it. The whole thing lasted, maybe, ten minutes.
Today's seance was to find out a little bit more about Sarah. While it was great that she told us how she died, I looked through a ton of research to come up empty handed. I didn't know her birthdate, her parents' names, or even the actual date of her death. I had nothing to go on to prove that she even existed. Diana still thinks we are full of crap, but when we had finished the first seance, Jennie and Alex had bombarded Diana with the same details I had witnessed. I knew they had seen what I had seen, even if it was in fragments. Unfortunately, Sarah doesn't remember much of herself. She doesn't remember her parents' names, all she remembers is that she had a little brother named Billy. We gave up, and I've been sitting here wondering how it would feel to go through what she did. I wonder if her dad put rice in the gas tank to make it explode. Sarah doesn't know.
I feel really depressed. I don't know why. I've been having emotional breakdowns by the hour and multiple breakdowns by the day. I don't know why I feel so stressed out, so much like crap, so alone. I think it may actually have to do with doing the seances so close together. While minimal energy is used for both, I didn't exactly take a long break. Again, I'm a novice and need to be able to regenerate fully, for lack of a better term, before doing any kind of energy work. Another lesson learned.
Relatives moved in next door not too long ago. We didn't even know we were related until we started talking. Apparently my mom and Rosa are distant cousins in the Ortiz family. It's a really big family due to the fact that my abuelo had over 15 brothers and sisters. (This is what parents do when there isn't any television to distract them, I guess.)
My cousin, Jennie, and I had a seance again today. We had one on Saturday to see Sarah. She's a girl in our neighborhood that died 13 years ago. Yes, I know my neighborhood is a new development, but there were houses sprinkled here and there in the several acres of land that was bought to create this neighborhood, and we found the remains of one of them last week. That's how I met her and I know how she died...she showed me. It was pretty cool and pretty freaky at the same time, but I'll get to that in a moment.
Last week Jennie, her best friend, Diana, her friend's brother, Alex, and myself went exploring about a mile out from my house. Jennie, who, like I said earlier, is my cousin, is the one who lives next door. Diana and Alex live about a street or two behind us. Anyway, after walking around debris and bits of construction and a lot of field, we came across one of the remains of an old house. We had already passed another one closer to home and foraged the area for anything nifty, but came up empty handed and kept on trekking. This house, or lack thereof, felt different. There was and ominous presence there that had Jennie and I on edge. Even Alec felt something was off. When I stood in beside a tree that would have been where the front yard was originally, I felt like someone was standing next to me. I cleared my throat to get the attention of my friends who were digging through debris, and when all three looked up, Jennie and Alex squealed. Jennie walked up to me slowly, whispering, telling me that there was something, like a shadow, beside me. I tried not to panic, but as calmly as possible, got the hell out of there, and we all, very quickly, headed to Jennie's just to find that whatever had been there had followed us home.
Jennie, Diana, Alex, and myself all, somewhat, decided to figure out what this was. Diana was skeptical. She hadn't felt or seen anything while we were out there, and only believed a little of what we were saying because of how pale and terrified the rest of us looked. Going through the stuff I had brought over, I found my journal, the one where all my research is in, and found the part about contacting spirits through a seance. I ransacked Jennie's things, found a candle, which was all I needed, and asked if anyone was down to see who had followed us home. Everyone agreed and we held the seance in Jennie's bathroom. We didn't want to be interrupted and figured the bathroom was the safest bet. I don't know why, don't ask, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Especially since, having no windows, it was the darkest room in the entire house. Anyway, I was the head of the whole thing, both leading the seance and feeling whatever Sarah was giving me. Anyway, during the whole procedure, I kept getting flashes of what Sarah wanted me to see, which included her name. Alex was holding my right hand, Jennie my left, and Diana was sitting in front of me holding their hands. I was given flashes at first, and then actual visions that made more sense than the bits and pieces Sarah had originally started with. Apparently, about 13 years ago, Sarah had a little brother, Billy, who died of some disease I don't know (she didn't tell me) when he was only 8 years old. Sarah, who was about 14 at the time was devastated over her brother's death. Not only her, but her parents as well. Her father especially. On the night of the funeral, everyone was mourning in their own way. Sarah's mom was passed out in bed after drinking herself unconscious. Sarah's dad had gone out to the car to do something, then came back in, grabbed some whiskey, and sat down in front of the TV, staring at whatever was playing, but not actually seeing it. Sarah had wrapped herself in her brother's blanket and sat at the top of the stairs watching her father drink himself into a stupor as he cried himself to sleep. Sarah, still awake, decided to head outside for some fresh air. It was cold outside so she went inside the car to warm up a bit and turned on the radio. The heater wouldn't work unless the ignition had been turned, so she turned the key to have the car not start. She turned it one more time, had the car running, was setting the heater when the vehicle made a terrible noise and the engine blew up. Sarah didn't remember if anything happened after that. She just found herself, one day, not herself, and her parents burying her body next to her brother. When our candle blew out I was aware that Sarah was no longer with us. Now, I know I've told you I wouldn't be messing with stuff like this anymore, but I did do my research and chose a very simple seance that used little energy work and time. It was to simply ask how Sarah died and that was it. The whole thing lasted, maybe, ten minutes.
Today's seance was to find out a little bit more about Sarah. While it was great that she told us how she died, I looked through a ton of research to come up empty handed. I didn't know her birthdate, her parents' names, or even the actual date of her death. I had nothing to go on to prove that she even existed. Diana still thinks we are full of crap, but when we had finished the first seance, Jennie and Alex had bombarded Diana with the same details I had witnessed. I knew they had seen what I had seen, even if it was in fragments. Unfortunately, Sarah doesn't remember much of herself. She doesn't remember her parents' names, all she remembers is that she had a little brother named Billy. We gave up, and I've been sitting here wondering how it would feel to go through what she did. I wonder if her dad put rice in the gas tank to make it explode. Sarah doesn't know.
I feel really depressed. I don't know why. I've been having emotional breakdowns by the hour and multiple breakdowns by the day. I don't know why I feel so stressed out, so much like crap, so alone. I think it may actually have to do with doing the seances so close together. While minimal energy is used for both, I didn't exactly take a long break. Again, I'm a novice and need to be able to regenerate fully, for lack of a better term, before doing any kind of energy work. Another lesson learned.
Saturday, July 21, 2001
Believe or Not Believe?
Okay, first off, I'm not going to make any promises on writing in this regularly. Considering the fact that this is a one way street for me, I don't see why I should even try. I'm not even sure if this is helping me grow in any way, so, why even bother, right? Second, I don't know what day is, I just know we're in July. My nights and days are all mixed up since I don't have school right now and I enjoy sleep a lot.
I'm now fifteen years old, and currently on summer vacation after my freshman year. The school year wasn't so bad, though I must say, I still very much hate going. I'm not a perfect kid. Got into smoking both pot and cigarettes, but I really don't care. I was kept busy with extra-curricular activities, like JROTC and choir. I still study a lot about witchcraft, but I have to keep everything hidden from my mother. I know she means well, but I believe she is horribly brainwashed into thinking that anything that is not Christian is devil-worship. The thing is this, Wiccans don't even believe in a devil. Let's play this out logically, as logical as religion can get, anyway. If a person doesn't believe in an entity, can they really worship it? For example, can you truly worship God if you didn't believe in him? The logical answer would be no, right? So why doesn't that go both ways? The Buddha once said, ""Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Now the reason I like this quote is that so many religious teachings in this world contradict each other and all say that they ARE the truth. I strive to believe -or reject- none of them unless I understand them and see if they fit in my own personal views.
Do I think all religions are wrong? Nope. I actually think a lot of what is shared in every religion has some truth in it. I haven't researched a lot of it yet, since I've been focused on only one religion and only know thoroughly one other, but in my studies I found out that the Biblical Armageddon is almost identical to the Norse Ragnarok. Both are depictions of the end of the world, or at least of this existence. They both end with a battle where the bad guy gets bound and then later slain; Lucifer and Michael, where Lucifer is locked up for 1,000 years then released and killed by Michael, then Loki and Heimdallr, where Loki is bound to a cliff, released, and then slain as well. In the Bible, it's angels vs. demons; in Norse mythology, it's gods vs. giants. Sure, not exactly the same, but pretty damn close if you ask me.
Why do people get so wound up about whether their religion is right? I mean, aren't we all just trying to get through life the best way we can? Aren't we all trying and seeking happiness? Why waste energy trying to prove something that's based solely on faith?
I'm now fifteen years old, and currently on summer vacation after my freshman year. The school year wasn't so bad, though I must say, I still very much hate going. I'm not a perfect kid. Got into smoking both pot and cigarettes, but I really don't care. I was kept busy with extra-curricular activities, like JROTC and choir. I still study a lot about witchcraft, but I have to keep everything hidden from my mother. I know she means well, but I believe she is horribly brainwashed into thinking that anything that is not Christian is devil-worship. The thing is this, Wiccans don't even believe in a devil. Let's play this out logically, as logical as religion can get, anyway. If a person doesn't believe in an entity, can they really worship it? For example, can you truly worship God if you didn't believe in him? The logical answer would be no, right? So why doesn't that go both ways? The Buddha once said, ""Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Now the reason I like this quote is that so many religious teachings in this world contradict each other and all say that they ARE the truth. I strive to believe -or reject- none of them unless I understand them and see if they fit in my own personal views.
Do I think all religions are wrong? Nope. I actually think a lot of what is shared in every religion has some truth in it. I haven't researched a lot of it yet, since I've been focused on only one religion and only know thoroughly one other, but in my studies I found out that the Biblical Armageddon is almost identical to the Norse Ragnarok. Both are depictions of the end of the world, or at least of this existence. They both end with a battle where the bad guy gets bound and then later slain; Lucifer and Michael, where Lucifer is locked up for 1,000 years then released and killed by Michael, then Loki and Heimdallr, where Loki is bound to a cliff, released, and then slain as well. In the Bible, it's angels vs. demons; in Norse mythology, it's gods vs. giants. Sure, not exactly the same, but pretty damn close if you ask me.
Why do people get so wound up about whether their religion is right? I mean, aren't we all just trying to get through life the best way we can? Aren't we all trying and seeking happiness? Why waste energy trying to prove something that's based solely on faith?
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